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:iconandthenyou: More from AndThenYou


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Submitted on
February 5, 2013
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She is
laughing;
she tosses her hair back and
she laughs at the world
who cannot hope to match her stride.
She meets eyes unashamedly,
she is radiant with confidence.


She is shy,
timid,
her eyes are downcast and
her cheeks are mottled
red.
Her words are whispers,
her breaths are sighs.


She is a sly smile.
She is a soft
whisper in his ear.
She does not seem to know
who she is.


He wants
to peel back the layers.
(though they are both afraid
that what lies beneath

is ugly.)


He wants
to speak to her.
But the words are stuck
in his throat,
suffocated with the
absence

of

oxygen
and he has nothing
to give her.


He wonders
if there was ever any truth
in either of them.
In him for loving not-her
the way everyone loves not-her,
or in her,
for the elaborate
(gorgeous) façade.


He wants to tell her
he adores her, but
he has no oxygen around her
(no words to give her),
no conviction to assure her with,
no one to love but fiction,
and he is silent.


(you are a contradiction.)
Hey guys! Sorry to be away for so long, but here's something from a poetry class I'm taking this term. If you recognize this at all, you're not crazy - it's a revamped version of this old prose piece ([link]). Tell me what you think! Better? Worse? Too flowery? Too simple? Or just tell me if you enjoyed reading it!

I'm gonna try to get more stuff up on here, but every time I take a new class I get scared to post anything original on here - especially if it's going into my writing portfolio. So I am honestly sorry if I don't post much on here. :C

(also i had this lined up and structure differently but frEAKING DEVIANTART asjafjkasf;aksbfNlkna)

writing @ ~AndThenYou
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:icongorgeouszombiegirl:
gorgeouszombiegirl Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I read both of the versions and I like them both equally. Honestly, it was really sweet. Being a girl who is confident, it sort of encouraged me not to change into a girl who doesn't know who she is. So yes, you write well. :) Thanks!
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:iconadventuretimelover92:
<3
Reply
:iconunderthoselights:
UnderThoseLights Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
This is incredible! I love that line- 'he has no oxygen around her'
Reply
:iconlilyboxes:
lilyboxes Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is a massive improvement! Those classes seem pretty fun, glad you're doing so well.
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:iconhisdarkdesire:
hisdarkdesire Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
I loved the first version of this but it always felt lacking. This filled everything it could've wanted. This is beautiful, you've done it again. I love it so much, very provocative
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:icontarvitus:
Tarvitus Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Really inspiring and thought-provoking!!
Reply
:iconreubendeflash:
ReubenDeFlash Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student Writer
I actually prefer this to the old piece, though they both have their strengths and weaknesses, but I have to say the very last line was jarring for me; the change of narrative didn't quite go with the rest, but that's just a personal opinion.
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:iconandthenyou:
AndThenYou Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013   Writer
I was considering that, too, actually! The last line might have worked better with the prose version than this one C:
Anyways, thanks for commenting! :hug:
Reply
:iconreubendeflash:
ReubenDeFlash Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2013  Student Writer
No problem! Missing your writing.
Reply
:iconpipe-stream:
Pipe-stream Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love it! I definitely think it's more thought-provoking than the old piece :)
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